I was awakened from my midsummer night’s slumber as the cold wind sent me shivering. As my eyes searched, it caught the visage of a boy, in his teen years, who was sleeping next to me. I had spent the night in this PUJ, the owner of whom I have not even laid eyes on. And this boy was a car washer. Yes, I had slept with car washers! I had to rub the sleep off my eyes to see if this was all for real. I could hardly believe if this was really me. Am I one of them now? Do I deserve to belong here?

Sunrise was yet hours away. I was precarious if there’ll ever be one in this pixilated life of mine. I couldn’t get back to my zizz then. So, I spent the wee hours pondering and recalling how I came to be in this mess. My whole being was engulfed in sin and confusion. I was trapped. My life was in a whirlwind…I was hooked on drugs.

All my hanky panky started as merely a game of curiosity. I was 15 years old then when a cousin offered me a try. Such a tender age. I was young, innocent but over-confident that I’ll never get hooked. But that move started it all. My dilemma then began. At first, it came too slowly. But further on, it paved the way to my addiction. It was like the earth’s gravity pulling me hard unto it. I tried marijuana, cough syrup and shabu. It was with shabu that I really got hooked into.

I often handed the blame down to my family. It was because my parents never really got along very well. I have a brother younger than I. And we often witness our parents arguing and disagreeing on so many things. My father had attitude problems of his own. It was my Mom who took the responsibility to support us with our needs. She even endured being far from us when she decided to leave for the states and work there. I was 7 years old then my brother was 5. It was tragic but we had no choice. In lieu of her absence, she was able to send us to a very good school, in fact a very reputable one, in Cebu International School. But I guess material things and money will never suffice. It never did fill up that empty space within me. My only consolation then was my love for basketball. It was with the ring and the ball that I spent my troublesome days with. I loved playing basketball since I was a little kid. I often think of it as a gift from God because this was where I was good at. I even dreamt that I’d make it big someday. But this too wasn’t spared by the destruction drug addiction left me.

I got married at an early age. I now have two wonderful and smart daughters – two God-given treasures to keep. One thing I regret the most is that I never really got to spend time with them and enjoy the wonders of being a father, because I was too indulged with shabu. I lost respect for my family that even their things became target for my loot. I sold the clothes of my children, things of my wife and everything I laid eyes on – appliances, jewelry, and even food. I would not go home for days. I just showed up when I was out of spondolicks and so I had to look for things in the house to sell again. I failed to realize what pain and shame I had brought to my family.

And so, they decided to let me undergo rehabilitation, I was forced to stay in DRACC, Lahug. But after four months, I prematurely left the program because I had convinced my family that I was my normal self again. But after two weeks, there I was again. I went back to my drug using, much worse this time. Until, it came to a point when my family had really grown tired and weary of all my foolishness. My mom didn’t want to talk to me anymore. My wife who was always the last one to hate me was now giving up. I couldn’t enter the house anymore because everybody was afraid they might lose something. I had to beg for food. I experienced eating outside my very own house like a beggar. I had earned “rascal” for my monicker. From being healthy, I deteriorated into a scrag. Everyone I ran into seemed willing to offer out some burgue. Every time I went home, my family was almost ready to throw their bunch of fives at my very mingy face then. They all wanted to say Garn!

That’s how I came to be (here) sleeping with car washers in parked jeepneys. Everyone had turned their backs at me because it seemed like there wasn’t even a ghost of a chance for me to change. I was left all alone and confused. But I couldn’t blame them for I abused, neglected and disrespected them all because of drugs. I almost made drugs my god, my raison d’etre. So, I had no one to blame but myself. All my excuses were just nothing but scapegoat. It was then that I considered the idea of entering the House of Hope. I knew I needed help and my family would only be reunited if I open my heart for change and humble myself for rehabilitation. And it became the biggest step that I took, the greatest accomplishment I’ll ever have, that I would regret the most had I not done it. Because it was here that I found God and made him my Lord and Personal Savior. And God indeed embraced me with his open arms. Despite my grave sinfulness, God accepted me back because Jesus had once given us a promise,“I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous but sinners.”(Mt. 9:13)

God has given me another chance, another life, a brand new one. Those gloomy days I spent under the influence of drugs would just remain as a closed chapter of my life-something to look back but not something to cling unto. Those were all unhappy memories but I know that God gave them to me for a purpose.“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11) His saving grace and love has made me an instrument of faith and renewal for my family and friends. It has become a great challenge and an accomplishment for me-how he has used my life for the conviction of others.

For the rest of my life, I’ll never be so proud to say that I once was a sinner, a drug addict. But now I’m born again as a Christian. In fact, I had professed my faith at my baptism last Feb. 13, 2002. I’ve learned to trust in the Lord and acknowledge him in all my ways and he indeed made my paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6). Everything that seemed impossible and unreachable for me before, God has all set before me now.

Since then, my life has never been the same. The Lord has blessed me and my family richly. I had sought him and how I’ve found him. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.” (Jer. 29:13)

I’ve come to greatly appreciate every minute of my life, every bit of God’s gracious bounty upon this earth-lofty mountain peaks, flowers in bloom, birds-a-chirping, most of all, LIVES RENEWED! LORD HOW GREAT THOU ART!

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
–Psalm 40: 1-2